


Did you love him?

by Slayer87



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Short One Shot, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 15:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16200065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slayer87/pseuds/Slayer87
Summary: 3 brief moment of self-reflection.Brienne POV.





	Did you love him?

**Author's Note:**

> To Andrea, who does not ship this couple but introduce me to GOT, so it's kind of his fault.  
> To Lalu, as my ship companion during our GOT binge-watching.  
> To both of them, for being two of the most extraordinary humans being I've ever met.  
> To Jaime and Brienne, may they find love in each other arms.

**Did you love him?**

 

“Did you love him?” she asked her.

Brienne did not give Cersei an answer.

There was not a right answer.

She did not want to do a thing to provoke the Mother of the King.

 

But, did she have an answer for herself?

It did not seem so. That was the difficult part.

Her mind wanted to believe she was still in love with Renly.

Her eyes fell on Jaime, and her heart was not so sure anymore.

 

“It is just a crush” she kept repeating herself.

It was understandable. She and Ser Jaime had been together on the road for weeks.

He was a handsome man. He did save her in at least two occasions.

It was normal to develop a crush.

 

So, she could answer herself to the question “Am I attracted to him?”

Of course she was.

She was a warrior, not blind.

But love.

 

Love was so much complex and difficult to explain.

Love was about trust, loyalty and honour.

Could she love the Kingslayer?

Could she love Jamie Lannister?

 

She knew she was not allowed to love him.

He was clearly in love with another woman.

And Cercei was a force even her do not want to cross.

But did she love him?

 

Yet, she did see something in him

Something with honour, something that she could respect.

So, she could love him.

It was just that she can’t.

 

* * *

 

“Did you love him?” This time it was herself to ask the question.

Years have passed. She kept her word.

She wanted to give Oathkeeper back to him.

He told her “It is yours. It will always be yours.”

 

Did he talk about the sword or his heart?

She was so sure that he could never love her but staring in those eyes, she wasn’t sure anymore.

Brienne played with the idea for a brief moment.

How that would end? They were on the opposite side. Not a good start.

 

Would he have the courage to leave his sister, for _her_?

Yes, she was older and wiser, but that little voice sometimes just seems incapable to leave her in peace.

She was... ugly.

Unworthy. Unlovable.

 

No.

She was herself.

And whatever man who wanted her would have to be able to accept her as she was.

Could Jamie accept her?

 

Jamie _already_ accepted her.

He trusted her.

He gave her a sword to fulfil her purpose.

He changed.

 

Dangerous words to think about.

Dangerous to even fantasize about them.

She always liked dangerous things.

She believed in those words.

 

Dangerous to believe they could have a chance.

It was a world where death was everywhere.

Just dying in her own bed would have been a gift.

Love… it just seems always out of the picture for her.

 

She did not know.

Maybe she loved him.

But things did not change only because of her feelings.

Of the latter, she was certain.

 

* * *

 

“Did you love him?” she asked her.

Sansa was expecting an answer.

He had travelled so long, and his story seemed absurd.

She believed him.

 

She asked a Stark to save a Lannister, in front of everyone.

So an answer was the least she could give Sansa.

Yet, she was afraid to speak, in front of him.

She never told those words out loud.

 

Admitting her feelings would have made them real.

As long as they were a fantasy, she could play with them.

But saying those words, and the fantasy would have become a reality.

She could not deal with a rejection.

 

Why him?

There were men for her.

Why? Did she enjoy loving lost causes?

She did not know that answer.

 

But she did know the answer to Sansa’s question.

And this time she could not avoid speaking.

Not speaking would have meant death, desolation, despair.

Speaking would have meant life, light and maybe love.

 

You’re a warrior, she told herself.

Prove it. Speak.

Even if it meant spending a life alone.

Even if her love would never be returned.

 

Yes, she loved him.

Sansa saved his life.

Brienne heard a sigh.

Her eyes met with his.

 

Yes, she did love him.

His eyes a full display of shock and surprise.

And then, she saw something she could never dream to see.

A smile. “Me too”.


End file.
